Beginner guide
How to Choose Your First Fantasy Toy
A practical beginner guide to choosing a fantasy toy with confidence, including materials, size, firmness, texture, cleaning and lubricant compatibility.
Quick answer
For a first fantasy toy, start with comfort rather than the most extreme design. Choose a manageable size, clear material information, softer or medium firmness, simple cleaning instructions and a compatible water-based lubricant. Avoid very large, very firm or highly textured products until you know what suits you.
In this guide
Start with comfort, not extremes
Fantasy toys can be visually striking. They may include dragon-inspired shapes, tentacle details, creature textures, unusual colours or sculptural forms. That creativity is part of the appeal, but it can also make the first choice feel overwhelming.
The best beginner approach is simple: choose something manageable, clearly described and easy to care for. Your first fantasy toy does not need to be the largest, firmest or most textured option.
If you are still learning the category, start with our guide to what fantasy sex toys are.
Check the material first
Material is one of the most important details on any fantasy toy product page. It affects feel, cleaning, durability, storage and lubricant compatibility.
Look for product pages that clearly explain:
- What the toy is made from
- Whether the material is non porous
- Whether the product is described as body safe
- How it should be cleaned
- Which lubricant is compatible
- How it should be stored
Silicone is commonly used in higher-quality fantasy toys because it can be flexible, detailed and available in different firmness levels. For more detail, read Fantasy Toy Materials Explained, Body Safe Silicone and Non Porous Materials.
Choose a manageable size
Size matters, especially for beginners. A fantasy toy may look approachable in photos but feel very different once you check the actual dimensions.
Always look for:
- Total length
- Insertable length, where relevant
- Width or diameter
- Shape
- Base design
- Whether the widest point is clearly listed
Do not judge only from product images. Photos can make a product look smaller or larger than it is. Measurements are more useful.
For a first choice, a smaller or moderate size is usually easier to assess than a larger design with strong texture or unusual shaping.
Think carefully about firmness
Firmness describes how soft, flexible or rigid the toy feels. A soft toy is usually more forgiving. A firmer toy may make texture and shape feel more pronounced.
Beginners often prefer soft or medium firmness because these options usually feel less intense than very firm designs.
When comparing products, think about firmness alongside size and texture. A small firm toy may feel manageable. A large, firm, highly textured toy may feel much more intense.
For more detail, read our Fantasy Toy Firmness Guide and glossary entry on Shore Hardness.
Do not underestimate texture
Texture is one of the main reasons fantasy toys feel different from traditional adult toys. Textures may include ridges, scales, bumps, curves, knots, tentacle details or indented patterns.
Texture can add interest, but it can also increase intensity. For a first product, it is usually better to choose gentler texture rather than the most complex design available.
A useful beginner rule is to avoid combining too many intense features at once. Large size, firm material and heavy texture can feel very different together than they do separately.
Check the cleaning instructions
Before buying, look for clear cleaning guidance. A good product page should explain whether the toy can be washed with warm water and mild soap, whether it has electronic parts, and how it should be dried and stored.
If the product has motors, charging ports, remote controls or electronic features, check whether it is waterproof or only splash resistant. Do not submerge electronic toys unless the instructions clearly say this is safe.
NHS guidance says sex toys should be kept clean, and shared toys should be washed between uses and used with a new condom each time. SH:24 also advises checking toys for breaks or scratches, using warm soapy water where instructions allow, avoiding perfumed soaps and drying toys properly before storage.
For practical care advice, read How to Clean Fantasy Toys.
Check lubricant compatibility
Lubricant can make a fantasy toy more comfortable to use, but compatibility matters.
Water-based lubricant is often the easiest starting point because it is widely compatible with condoms and many toy materials. Planned Parenthood describes water-based lubricant as a safe option to use with any sex toy and any condom.
Silicone lubricant may damage silicone toys unless the product instructions say otherwise or a condom is used on the toy. Oil-based products should not be used with latex condoms.
For more detail, read Water-Based Lubricant.
Look for clear product information
A good beginner product should be easy to understand. If the listing is vague, that is a warning sign.
Look for product pages that include:
- Material
- Size and dimensions
- Firmness
- Texture
- Cleaning instructions
- Lubricant compatibility
- Storage guidance
- Use and safety notes
A 2023 peer-reviewed study examining four commercially available sex toys found variation in product material composition and reported potential material-related risks. The sample was small, so it should not be used to make broad claims about all toys, but it does support the general point that material transparency matters.
Beginner-friendly features to look for
A first fantasy toy does not need every feature. In fact, simple is usually better.
Beginner-friendly features may include:
- Clearly listed body safe material
- Manageable dimensions
- Soft or medium firmness
- Gentler texture
- Clear cleaning guidance
- Water-based lubricant compatibility
- A stable base, where relevant
- Clear product images and measurements
Features beginners may want to avoid at first
Some products may be better suited to people with more experience.
As a beginner, be cautious with:
- Very large sizes
- Very firm materials
- Heavy ridges or intense texture
- Unclear material information
- No cleaning instructions
- Unclear lubricant compatibility
- Products with damage, rough edges or poor finish
This does not mean those products are wrong for everyone. It simply means they may not be the easiest place to start.
First fantasy toy checklist
- Is the product material clearly listed?
- Is the size manageable?
- Is the firmness soft or medium if you are unsure?
- Is the texture beginner-friendly?
- Are the cleaning instructions clear?
- Is water-based lubricant suitable?
- Does the product have storage guidance?
- Is the product suitable for the use you have in mind?
- Are there any safety warnings?
- Would a simpler product be a better first choice?
Frequently asked questions
What is the best first fantasy toy?
There is no single best first fantasy toy. A good beginner choice is usually manageable in size, clearly described, easy to clean and softer or medium in firmness.
Should beginners choose soft or firm fantasy toys?
Many beginners prefer soft or medium firmness because these options are usually more forgiving. Very firm products can make texture feel more pronounced.
Does material matter when choosing a first fantasy toy?
Yes. Material affects feel, cleaning, storage and lubricant compatibility. Choose products with clear material information.
Is water-based lubricant best for beginners?
Water-based lubricant is often the easiest starting point because it is widely compatible with condoms and many toy materials.
Should I choose a highly textured fantasy toy first?
It is usually better to start with gentler texture. Highly textured, large or firm designs may feel more intense.
Sources and further reading
This guide is for general information only and does not replace medical advice. For health concerns, pain, irritation or discomfort, speak to a qualified medical professional.